Ok, friends who believe in me no matter what, I am back again, to try yep, again. I am so stinking sick and frustrated over this whole thing! It is frustrating because I know what NEEDS to be done, but then I do stupid things and screw it all up!
For instance, breakfast goes VERY well every day. I get up and have breakfast with Ben and Emily every day. We eat a healthy breakfast each day. Morning goes well and lunch isn't bad. Then afternoon hits and all I did each morning goes out the window. Why is it that when I "need" to snack I can't snack correctly? I know, I know...I don't really need to snack, but for some reason, my body thinks it does. The main problem is that when I screw up on that first snack, then the rest of my day is done. It's like "...well, I messed up already, why not?"
I know this is whining and I am truly sorry. I needed to get it out there. I guess it's because I need support. It's really hard to do this alone and I know those of you that read this do so because you do support me. I feel horrible and know that I would feel better physically, mentally and even spiritually if I could just keep on track and succeed at this. My need/desire to lose weight isn't to "look good" (although that would be nice :). No, it is much deeper than that. I want to be able to play with my kids, to be able to get down on the floor with them and play with them and not hurt. (Yes, that is where I am...doing normal things hurt). To be able to teach my children how to play baseball/softball and be able to do it with them. To go on vacation one day back to the Rocky Mountains (or anywhere for that matter) and be able to hike with my family and not be the one holding them back. That is where I feel I am now. Holding everyone back. I am sick of it. Plain and simple.
Any suggestions, including recipes would be welcome. I am genuinely hoping that this is the last whiny blog I have to write. It wasn't fun. I am sincerely hoping that the next time we "talk" it will be much more upbeat and positive!
Love to all!
